Laura Bates has picked the man she’s decided is going to marry her. 896,875,000 men breathe a sigh of relief.

A piece published on the website of Justice for Men & Boys (and the women who love them), the political party of which I’m the chairman, in July 2014:

My warm thanks to all of you who’ve sent me links to some interesting materials during my short break sur le Continent, including a report on Radio 4 yesterday about someone thinking of forming a feminist party. Given that all the main parties (with the possible exception of UKIP on a good day) slavishly follow feminist agendas, we can’t wait to hear what a feminist party might demand above and beyond what the parties are already delivering, or planning to deliver, with respect to advantaging women and disadvantaging men. I digress. I’ll get to all the emails and linked materials in the next 2-3 days, but I simply had to send you a link to a piece published by the fine folk at AVfM about Laura Bates getting married. Dear God, does her fiancé not have other options? They’ve lived together for years, it seems; so many years, so much laughter. Given the choice – which, to be fair, Ms Bates is unlikely to offer me – I’d sooner be a Cistercian monk and embrace a life of celibacy than marry her. And gnaw off both feet without the benefit of anaesthetic, if that’s what it took to save me from such a grim fate.

Some months ago, in the course of one of her innumerable media interviews, Ms Bates drove me to drink – two stiff drams of Highland Park, to be precise – as she usually does, whenever I hear her speak. How can her fiancé have coped with the tsunami of whining to which he’s surely been exposed for years? And how will he cope with being exposed to it until his dying day? The piece in question was about whether the cosmetic surgery industry should be regulated, a subject on which Ms B held firm opinions, quelle surpriseLaura debated the matter with the president of the British Association of Plastic Surgeons (‘BAPS’, appropriately… and pleasingly).

The AVfM piece includes a link to Laughing Laura’s Guardian piece on the matter, which – based on word count alone, please don’t ask me to read the damned thing, unless you’re prepared to donate £1,000 to J4MB – serves as a reminder that, as with other prominent young feminists (Laurie Penny, Caroline Criado-Perez, Kat Banyard come inevitably to mind) a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder wouldn’t come as a huge surprise. Three of these four women have won our Lying Feminist of the Month awards, two of them – CC-P and Special Snowflake – twice.

A quick check on Wikipedia informs me that the estimated population of the world today is 7.175 billion, from which we can logically conclude – if we ignore the fact that women are more than half the population of the world, because men work themselves into early graves, and health systems treat men as second-class citizens  – and guesstimate that 25% of the males on the planet are of marriageable age and single, the number of lucky men in the world at this moment is precisely:

896,875,000

Laura Bates is making almost 897 million men happy. Now that’s not a sentence I ever expected to write.

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