A piece published on the website of Justice for Men & Boys (and the women who love them), the political party of which I’m the chairman, in January 2018:

I don’t have the time to write it, but I think there’s a bestseller to be written – with little effort – consisting of a compilation of customer reviews and people’s answers to potential buyers’ questions on Amazon and similar websites. Some of the best relate to technological items. So a potential buyer of rechargeable batteries will ask something like, ‘Will this Yamamoto YKT400-L rechargeable battery fit and work with my Canon EOS SLR516X camera?’ There will be some helpful answers, but invariably also some responses from people with too much time on their hands – visitors to Amazon, say, not Amazon staff – along the lines of:

I don’t know, I don’t own a Canon EOS SLR516X camera. In fact I’ve never owned a Canon camera, I’ve been buying Nikon cameras for 30+ years. Sorry I can’t help any further.

I hope so, because that’s what I ordered them for! Haven’t arrived yet.

Hmm. Difficult question. Don’t take the risk, buy the Canon brand batteries at barely five times the price.

No idea. Still, sometimes you have to take chances in life, don’t you? I was saying that to George only the other day! Send the bugger back to Amazon if it’s no good.

I wouldn’t risk it. My late husband owned a Yamaha motorbike in the 1980s. He died after hitting a BMW in the fast lane of the M1. Somewhere near Luton, if memory serves me right.’

… and so on. All this is by way of a backdrop to my planned purchases of a couple of stainless steel saucepans, I’m keen to try some of the recipes in The Patriarch’s Cookbook (there are no vegetarian recipes, obviously). The book recommends that the food be prepared by a female cook who is required to eat a portion of the dishes before serving them to you – in case of a poisoning attempt – but I no longer employ a cook, female or otherwise.

I looked on Amazon and checked out the entry for a Buckingham Stainless Steel Induction deep Saucepan with Glass Lid , Cooking Pot, 20 cm. It’s rated by buyers at an average 4.5 points (out of a maximum 5.0 points) and I decided to check out the eight reviews (you’ll need to scroll down some way to the reviews section). People can leave reviews without having bought the item, but when they’ve actually bought the item, you know that by the words ‘Verified purchase’. The ‘Top Review’ was by a lady who’d kindly taken the time to write this:

5.0 out of 5 stars Good purchase
28 August 2017
Verified Purchase
Not used it yet but will be doing so soon as I’m always cooking. [J4MB: always cooking? No time to test this saucepan before reviewing it, though?] I lost my lid on one I had the same size when I moved [J4MB: fascinating, do go on…] so chose this one as a replacement. [J4MB: why ‘this one’?] It looks perfect. Came in good packaging. [J4MB: always useful when transporting very fragile items, such as stainless steel saucepans.] What more can I say. [J4MB: please don’t ask yourself that question] Would recommend. [J4MB: why?]

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