A piece published on the website of Justice for Men & Boys (and the women who love them), the political party of which I’m the chairman, in April 2017:

Our thanks to Jeff for this. Give me strength. Cue disbelief and then laughter among Chinese, Russian, and North Korean admirals. Excerpts:

The navy is redesigning its submarine fleet to make it easier for women to serve on board.

Defense contractor Electric Boat is currently working on a new design which will have the controls placed allow smaller females [not smaller males, too?] to serve on board.

Electric Boat officials had no immediate estimate of how much the modifications will cost. [The Royal Navy has estimated the cost of modifying its nuclear submarine fleet to make it more ‘female friendly’ will be around £5 MILLION per vessel. At a time of severe budgetary constraints, the Armed Forces are spending huge sums of money on ideologically-driven measures which will reduce operational efficiency and effectiveness. We can confidently expect numerous underwater Immaculate Conceptions, requiring the female ‘sailors’ to be flown home to the UK at taxpayers’ expense.]…

On the Columbia-class boats, valves will generally be placed lower, Wilson said. Sometimes there will be an extension handle, and some will be easier to turn…

Seats in the control room on the ballistic-missile submarines will adjust forward a little more so everyone can touch each display and reach every joystick. Steps will be added so shorter people [shorter WOMEN, invariably] can climb into the top bunk or see into the washers and dryers, since clothes that get stuck in the machines are a fire hazard.

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